Saturday, July 16, 2005

But the world just isn't as interesting when you're sober...

So a few of my friends and I are out last night, getting a bite to eat and having a few drinks when my buddy Dan starts to tell us how his boss told him that he had received five (5) complaints about him from his fellow co-workers. Apparently their complaints all stemmed from the fact that Dan was showing up to work inebriated everyday. He went on to tell us that he thinks that this happened because he fell off of a ladder last week (he paints) and brought a whole bunch of paint down along with him. And he also fell off a step stool and spilled paint all over himself. As hilarious as this all is the best part is when he pulled out the letter his boss had written that was attached to his paycheck. So with great pleasure I present to you the infamous "Dear Dan" letter.
I have received 5 complaints about you from people at the paint store as well as Oscar. All complaints boil down to your partying. If you would like to discuss this with me, I will describe each complaint to you and who said them. Each person didn't want to talk about not using you as an employee, but they were generally concerned for your well being. I observed the same type of behavior with you and it ended abruptly when you totaled your Mercedes. I would not bother writing this letter to you unless I genuinely cared about you. You know you have been fucking up a little lately and I see you have gotten it together a little. You must from here on out, show up to work on time and in good shape. You are not on my workers comp so remember, if you ever get hurt on my jobsite you must say its your 1st day working for me. If you say this I can then put you on payroll and get all medical expenses taken care of. Also you would receive a paycheck for the time you miss from being hurt from workers comp. In summation, I don't want to hear from anyone that you seemed out of it or on drugs from anyone again. If it happens again you will force me to do something very difficult. If you were not my boy things would be different. I know you are a great worker and really want you to stay.

Sincerely, Dan's Boss
And to top it all off for today here is an interesting little article that details the 40 (technically 39) things that can only happen in the faux-reality of the movies.

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